No, you can’t get rid of me that easily.
I have just decided to end my series on my dating misfortunes, to stop dwelling on the unsuccessful-albeit mostly humorous-escapades of my dating life.
The men I have described managed to let me rearrange the English language into a few amusing stories of what was never to be- a lasting relationship. Lasting? Relationship? Hell, I mean one date ended abruptly with a rapid nice knowin’ ya before we even made it to the restaurant parking lot.
But these men, I am sure, had many lovely qualities that I would never know and that is fine because there is a woman out there for each of them to exult in the wonderment that these men are.
And given the chance I am sure they had their assessments and comments about me.
Damn, bitch didn’t squeegie my shower. I think I will dump her and meet someone on a plane to Sweden.
She needs to stop talking about her giant Ukrainian calves.
Ok, that’s it. I am not sitting through one more Colin Firth movie just to get her in the sack.
God, would she quit yapping on about her kid. You’d think she was the only woman in the world who had a kid.
Fourth date and I still haven’t kissed her. Just can’t get past that nose ring.
Refugee schmefugee. She keeps bringing them here and I say send them back.
The Steeler thing. Can’t do it.
Valentine’s Day is approaching and I wish all of you great big handsome men the love of your life on your arm, squeegieing your shower and laughing (or not laughing) at every bit of silliness that jumps in your path. Life is too short for not enough love and while it wasn’t me and that’s ok, I truly hope your hearts are full and bursting with the one perfect for you.
Now, I have to begin another series of something. Any suggestions? Something good, challenging, meaty, hilarious…something I know nothing about, but will gladly share a vehement opinion?
Bring it.
Happy Sunday folks. I am on coffee #2. Thurston and Lovie are chirping in the other room. Jim Backus is doing a full body swallow of a juicy cricket. I think it’s time for a morning tap dance.
How about an occasional recipe? Maybe you can have a different feature for each day?