Not head lice. I thought this picture was much nicer.
FH: I’m glad I didn’t have the Kid over last night- we have lice going on again.
ME: Gross. Me too, that is I am glad the Kid was with me. Keep that shit away from me. You didn’t get rid of them the last time. That’s why you still have them.
FH: Yeah Yeah.
ME: Did the Kid tell you we got two birds?
FH: Yeah, I think he mentioned something about birds.
ME: Well good for you listening all attentive and such. Did he tell you what he named them?
FH: No.
ME: They are Mr and Mrs Thurston Howell III. Thurston and Lovie.
FH: What decade is this child living in?
ME: Would you prefer he named them Snooki and Kardashian?
FH: No, I guess not.
ME: Did he tell you one of the frogs died?
FH: Yeah. I guess.
ME: What the hell? How about being a father when your kid tells you his pet died??
FH: I did. That’s the reaction a typical father would give over a frog. Why don’t you ask your son how many fish he has killed?
ME: What? So the frog dying is some kind of karma catch-up for his fishing hobby?
FH: No, it’s just that you did the proper mom thing when the frog died and I did the typical dad thing. All I’m saying.
ME: See, you’re an ass and this is why I am the ex-wife with feelings for the dead frog. Ok, go take care of that lice shit and you better not send it my way. There’s a business in East Nashville that will take care of the lice for you.
FH: I can take care of all this.
ME: Uh huh, just like the last outbreak?
FH: Yeah well…
ME: Enjoy your day of delousing.
FH: Uh, will you text me the name of that lice business…
ME: Gladly. Enjoy scraping that comb across your scalp.
FH: This is going to be gross.
ME: Already gross there, skippy, already gross.
