I haven’t gone around this block in a while so I thought it was time. Let’s see- I have covered shower squeegees and hot washcloths, minimal sense of humor in the midst of massive sushi mayhem and a potential Mother Hubbard position for the guy with eight kids.
Who have I left out?
Ok- this guy I actually really liked and wish we were still friends, but dumping me apparently meant that a continued friendship was not in the offing.
The first time I met him he brought me the most obnoxious fabric gas station rose and a dried turtle shell. This guy was offbeat and I was liking it. You can forget about perfume and jewels- a rose from Mapco and a little petrified reptile won a little bit of my heart.
Our first date was at La Hacienda and god bless the inventor of tequila. We had a smashing good time- fun yet intelligent banter, good food and a fountain of margaritas. It was proceeding nicely until we got back in his car and he put a tic tac in his mouth and choked on it- choked on it badly, like “oh my god I really like this guy, but he is going to DIE in the next ten seconds if I don’t heimlich the hell out of him. I was grateful when the mint dislodged by his massive heaving and we were able to continue with our evening. He seemed unfazed, but I felt like my margarita buzz was just wasted by the misplacement of a tiny breath mint.
Our dating continued- he was a most enjoyable companion. Very smart, VERY funny, but he exhibited a rather disconcerting habit.
He broke into song at inopportune TIMES.
I mean, he began operatic solos during moments (my moments) of my focus being ELSEWHERE.
I mean…
SHUT UP! SHUT THE HELL UP!!! LIKE RIGHT NOW!!!
Oh shit…just forget it….
He also owned different things.
Like a phone booth in his driveway. With a working light. That he turned on at night.
I couldn’t help but project into the future about his husband potential and how could I possibly make him get rid of the phone booth. It wasn’t really that feng shui for me. Or necessary.
And he owned three cars, but not just cars. One car was normal- a big white pick up. Two of the vehicles belonged to the first half of the 20th century.
I am not often practical, but I had to ask…
“You really bother to insure all three of these things?”
I went off-roading with him in this…
- Jeep Willys
For my 40th birthday we went-I think the term is- mudding.
Vertically.
I really hoped I was going to make it to my 41st birthday.
But I hung on and even though my usually styled hair was a mass of muddy mattedness and I smelled like a goat and I learned to use a winch or be stuck somewhere in the middle of nowhere Lebanon, TN, I had a glorious time.
And I pretty much did on most days with him. So I felt sad when he didn’t want to go out anymore. I would have gladly remained friends because I thought he was a really good man, but I think his flaw was his inability to be honest with me- I think he really wanted to have children- his own children- and I have been one and done for a long, long time.
So I hope he is happy and doing wonderful in this world because I actually think it is a better place with him in it.
And I certainly hope he is out there off-roading with a fabulous woman by his side.
She’s a summer love for spring, fall and winter.
Great story but please let me know if he ever wants to sell the Willy’s….I have several family members (read Robin) who want to purchase it!