February 15, 1982 and 2012

Thirty years ago today my best friend’s mom died. That would be the mom of one half of K2. Thirty years ago Mary Grace passed away.

Now I am kind of not digging the fact that I can say things like “thirty years ago” because that implies being on the planet long enough to really remember things that happened thirty years ago. Saturday night Suzanne and I were watching ET with our boys (I had never seen it-I was probably way too busy smoking pot when it came out in the theater) and I mentioned I would have been a junior in high school and I think Suzanne may have mentioned she had been at an age when she was still rummaging under the couch for a wet, hairy paci.

So I get to say thirty years. I call half of K2 every February 15 just to check in- to talk or not talk. I remember that day like it was NOT thirty years ago. We were sitting in a religion class and I think I can accurately say I was not paying attention to the boring teacher drone on and on about our sins. Mr. K popped his head in to pull Kathy out of class and she turned and gave me the most terrified look I had ever seen. I dropped my head to my desk and sobbed. I cried in my next class and I cried on the school bus. Jimmy D put his arm around my shoulder and he walked me all the way home even though my house was a few houses past his.

And then I made macaroni salad because that is what any god-fearing, funeral food-loving, West By God Virginia neighborhood woman does when someone passes.

And that is what you do for your best friend.

Because I have the best friend in the whole wide world and don’t anyone EVEN tell me they have a better best friend. I mean, this is the friend who picked my underwear out of my butt crack before I walked down the aisle at my wedding. She crawled under my billowing white dress right in front of my father to extricate the god awful white lace panties I thought were a good idea for an undergarment on the frickin’ hottest day of 1987 when marrying my future FH.

This is true friendship.

And as a best friend I would be remiss to not look up to heaven and say to her really awesome Mom:

Hey Mary Grace! You have a pretty amazing daughter and she is raising two beautiful girls (one who actually looks a bit like you). She makes your vegetable soup like a dream (and damn I still miss your soup). So you left kind of early, but you managed to leave a pretty special mark on a pretty special person. You would be proud of her.

So Mary Grace, I hope you are keeping our dads company and giving them at least a little grief (Jim, don’t sit on that cloud, sit on the other cloud, Jim where are you going- I said THAT cloud).  

Excuse me, I have a call to make.

Happy Valentine’s Day to All I Love

I dare not write my own words about love when something as beautiful as what is written below exists in this world. Maybe someday I will have the tiniest piece of such wisdom to share. This is a letter from John Steinbeck to his son. I found it in the book Steinbeck: A Life in Letters, edited by Elaine Steinbeck and Robert Wallsten.

New York, November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers. First – if you are in love – that’s a good thing – that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you. Second – There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you – of kindness and consideration and respect – not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply – of course it isn’t puppy love. But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it – and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it. The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it. If you love someone – there is no possible harm in saying so – only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration. Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also. It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another – but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it. We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can. And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens – The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

Thank you dear John Steinbeck for those words. Happy Valentine’s Day to all you beautiful people I love. Most of you know that, but some of you don’t.

Ice Cream Dreams

Mom, I am going to finish the mint chocolate chip ice cream tonight.

I am sure you are.

That carton is really only about three servings.

Well, by your standards.

We need more ice cream Mom.

Words I live by Kid. What we really need is our own soft serve machine like Bobbies Dairy Dip. We could just stick our bowls under the spout and instant ice cream.

I like this idea Mom, but we better disguise it so it doesn’t look like an ice cream machine. We’ll make it look like a beer machine, then everyone will leave it alone.

No, honey- people will only be attracted to it more if they think it’s beer. Then when they discover it’s ice cream and not beer there may be problems.

Oh. Ok. Then we’ll just leave it looking like an ice cream machine.

Oh no. I am all for disguising it. Maybe we should disguise it like something really gross like a garbage can with icky stuff all over it.

You’re on to something Mom.

Well, maybe I am not being nice- you know- wanting to disguise it so we don’t have to share our ice cream.

No. You’re just thinking like a pirate Mom. Thinking like a pirate.

Starry Night

I have an inexplicable need to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year. It’s not because I am in love or because someone loves me. I think it is because after a year of a foggy dark cloud veiling my vision inside and out, I am just able to believe in love again. No matter what kind. Enormous love for my mom or my brothers. Cuddly love for my darling niece.  Old soul love for my friends. Crazy shout it from the rooftops how lucky am I kind of love for the Kid.  I even have surprising love for a little frog named Jim Backus and two precious little birds named Thurston and Lovie. Sometimes love appears when your sight returns.

A couple of years ago I listened to the story from the link below and cried tears for its beauty. It is a love for the stars in the heavens. Enjoy. It is truly beautiful.

Love you all.

GiGi

http://www.npr.org/2010/02/12/123534818/carl-sagan-and-ann-druyans-ultimate-mix-tape

Lesson # 137 in Understanding Women

Mom,  Emily was really pissy in school today.

and it begins…

Really? Why?

I don’t know. She said I wasn’t mature enough to handle some grown up words.

like menstrual cycle maybe??

What words?

I don’t know- I never did find out.

Honey, you are going to have to realize your girl friends are going to start getting pissy and bitchy. They are probably all starting their periods.

Oh God Mom I don’t understand why our bodies have to change. I just don’t get this whole mating thing. How come when you are ready to have a baby you can’t just go BANG there’s a baby and forget all this other stuff.

Well honey, oddly enough many times there is a bang and then a baby.

I am so stinking amused with myself at this point.

What?

Oh nevermind sweetheart. Just try not to let the pissy bitchy girls get you down. They are all still your friends. Difficult friends, but still your friends. You never know- you might end up liking mating one day.

Take it back Mom. Take those words back.

Two Kinds of Cool

Mom, can I ask you a question?

I love when my day begins with this. Or ends with this. Or if my day just has this- no matter what time, no matter how rushed or tired I may be.

Sure, and maybe I will have an answer.

Do they still make film for old cameras- you know like that old camera you have?

sigh

Yes, I believe it is still manufactured and you can still buy it, but I think it is getting a lot harder to find.

I have written on this subject in a past blog post. And I finally made the leap to digital photography. I have a shelf in a closet that is a home to all of my photography fossils- my dad’s old 35mm and all of his lenses, his old Pentax that was used so much the black paint was rubbed off the back (he loved this camera so he bought me one too), my old Olympus and a small, boxy instamatic that used little flashbulbs. My relics. My dear old relics.

Why did you like film Mom?

I liked the smell. I liked putting the film inside its little compartment and hearing the little click when you knew it was inserted properly. I liked the not knowing and I loved the anticipation of picking up prints.

That’s really cool Mom. I love our new camera too.

Me too Kid. We’re so lucky to have two kinds of cool.

Quotes For The End Of The Week

Not all authors of the quotes will be identified.

Mom, I didn’t know who Madonna was until like a year ago.

Mom, you smell like Super Mario gummies.

?????- see above

May I see your ID please?

You have never owned a crockpot? You are not an American.

He’s sucking all of the intelligence out of the room.

GiGi, you have just gone too far.

You need to use agave on your yogurt instead honey- lower glycemic index.

Bite me- see above.

Don’t be such a funsucker.

You are hotter than love my friend. You are the Baby Bear’s porridge.